What I’ve Learned About Trusting Your Own “Yes” and “No”

Someone asks, “Do you want coffee or tea?” and you say, “Either is fine” — even though somewhere inside, you already know exactly what you want.

It happens so quickly that you barely notice it. Your real answer gets replaced before it ever has a chance to come out.

And this doesn’t only happen with small choices like coffee or tea. I’ve seen it with much bigger decisions too — work, relationships, moving, staying, leaving.

It doesn’t always look the same. But underneath it, there is often one quiet question:

“Is what I’m feeling really mine?”

Is this indecision, or is it about self-trust?

For many of the people I work with, the problem isn’t always that they don’t know what they want. Somewhere inside, the “yes” or the “no” is already there. It may be quiet, but it is there.

What is often missing isn’t clarity. It is enough inner space to trust that feeling more than all the louder voices around it.

So they start collecting opinions. They ask three friends the same question. They wait for someone else to speak first so they can simply agree.

Not because they don’t know — but because they have learned not to trust themselves until someone else confirms what they feel.

Where does that come from?

For some people, this lack of trust in their own answer began while they were growing up — when their “yes” or “no” was not always welcomed.

Maybe things stayed calmer when they agreed.

Maybe disagreement came with a cost.

Over time, checking someone else’s reaction became the first reflex. Checking their own became the last — if it happened at all.

This is not a character flaw. It is a habit that once made sense.

It simply never changed to fit a life in which your own answer is allowed to matter first.

How do you begin to hear your answer again?

Sometimes the answer doesn’t arrive first as a thought. Sometimes you notice it in your body first — as tightness, relief, a small flutter, or a subtle softening. That first signal doesn’t have to become an immediate or final answer. But it may show you where to listen more closely.

If you recognize yourself here, you can begin with one small step:

Pause before the next automatic “Either is fine,” and ask yourself whether it really is.

For some people, this kind of listening comes more easily through conversation. For others, it may come through holistic support or Reiki — as a space where the body can slow down and the inner voice becomes easier to notice.

To explore which approach may feel right for you, you can read more about individual sessions at maireihealing.com.

And if you are facing a decision right now, you may not need another opinion right away.

You may first need one honest moment alone with yourself, before everyone else enters the conversation.

Short Answers to Common Questions

Why do I say “I don’t mind” when I actually know what I want?

Sometimes “I don’t mind” comes out automatically, before we pause to check what we truly want. This often happens when we have become used to reading other people’s reactions first and listening to our own answer second.

Why do I keep asking for other people’s opinions before I decide?

Sometimes we ask for another person’s opinion because we want reassurance that our choice is acceptable or safe. Over time, checking with others can become a faster reflex than listening to our own “yes” or “no.”

How can I learn to trust myself when making decisions?

Trusting your own decisions is usually something you rebuild gradually. It can begin with small choices, a brief pause before the automatic “I don’t mind,” and noticing your own response before asking someone else what they think.